WHAT???!!! Yep….you read it right…. But women, before your head explodes, read this all the way through – you may just wind up agreeing with me.
For decades the mantra from women to men in life and in business, brought on by the successes of the ‘70’s women’s movement, has been: “get in touch with your feminine side…” And finally, after about 30 years give or take, men have been incorporating this into their collective psyche. Men crying – in public.….men getting pedicures…And these are the straight guys! In the business world - men being better team players, men asking for advice, men putting others’ well-being ahead of their own ego. They may have a long way to go, but they have come a long way, baby!
Well, now it’s time for we women to start living up to our own demands - only in the reverse….
Over those same 30 years or so, women also demanded and attained vastly improved societal roles, from a solid place in management at all levels, to the desire to start making that “old boys’ club” into one with a whole lot more girls. We want to be given the same levels of respect and credibility as our male business counterparts…but still don’t always get it.
Part of the reason for sure is a lack of acceptance by some, men and women alike, of women in leadership roles. But some is an unwitting tendency on our part to undermine our own leadership credibility as we hold onto ways we’ve been socialized to be as a woman – ways that work against our climb up the leadership ladder.
Take a moment right now and think about some of the “stereotypical” things a male will do (like those he/she jokes that make the rounds on the internet…). Here’s some examples:
- He goes after something he wants, even if it’s waaay out of his league…
- He is simply not bothered by those niggling details that plague us (all those ways we must have perfection or we’re just not happy….)
- He has no problem saying what he thinks regardless of how it may be received…
- He sets his own schedule and lets very little get in the way of it.
Of course it’s easy to see the down-side of these behaviors (particularly that saying whatever he wants thing…). However, there’s a major up-side to these traits and attitudes that merits a closer look When applied well, they are an important piece of the foundation for leadership success.
Here’s what I mean:
- He is more self-valuing (e.g. cares far less about what others, let alone total strangers, think of him) also known as an “internal locus of control” – we are more “other-motivated” (known as an “external locus of control”), and tend to hang our sense of self-worth on what others think of us rather than believing in ourselves regardless…
- He tends to think more “big picture” vs. getting caught up in the small stuff (read: less important, really…)…
- He does not take things as personally as we tend to…
- He has well developed personal boundaries (read: knows how to say “no” when he has something he’d rather be doing) and higher levels of self-directedness (knows what he needs to be doing and doesn’t let others get in the way of accomplishing it)
Of course, as with anything, when taken to an extreme these traits can be counterproductive – OK, downright annoying. But when wisely and strategically applied, these are traits that keep men in power and lend to their heightened levels of success.
Think how powerful we can be once we incorporate these “male” foundations into our existing “female” leadership traits that also reap great results, like being: terrific team players, amazing mentors & coaches for bringing staff to higher levels of productivity, excellent negotiators because of our ability to empathize, excellent managers because of our attention to important details, just to name a few. By combining some “Mars” with our “Venus”, we now have the best of both genders...and that’s the key to true leadership excellence.
So business women, take a personal inventory. How many of these “male” traits have you developed exceptionally well? Keep in mind that we still tend to internalize last-century socialization expectations (archaic notions of what is or is not “feminine”), which works against us developing such traits as a strong sense of self-worth regardless of what others might think of us, or keeping to our time/task plan because we know how to say “no”.
I know what’s running through your mind at this point, and it revolves around that delightful saying, “when a man’s assertive, he’s a pro, but when a women’s assertive she’s….” well, you know the rest. As with any adage, there is truth to it. However, often I find women are so uncomfortable with being assertive, that they overcompensate and become aggressive. Or, if they are being appropriately assertive, they allow a few less than positive responses (likely from people who themselves are insecure) derail this very appropriate and justified approach, often because they care more about what others think of them than they do what they know to be right within themselves (regardless of how not credible those “others” are). As Eleanor Roosevelt so eloquently put it: “No one can make me feel inferior without my permission.”
It’s time we reconditioned ourselves to recognize that we can be fully feminine while including these “male” characteristics to our repertoire - otherwise we are not taking full advantage of key tools we will need if we are to collectively climb to, and stay at, the top.
….And that, ladies, is why we need to be more like men.
